Changing the Legs of Our Relationships

How often do we think about food on a normal day? I used to think about eating, what I was going to make for dinner, for my husband’s lunch, and dessert all the time. I used to think about making sure our cupboards were overstocked with food items that I picked up really cheap because it was on sale and I had a coupon for it. Since I started the 50 Day Cleanse my thinking about food has changed. I now look at all that food I stocked up over the years as an anchor that was holding me down. This Cleanse is changing the legs of my relationships. 

I know “What on earth is she talking about?” Change the legs of a relationship?

Let’s take food, for instance, We all need to eat it to survive. We all have a relationship with food. We are making choices, thinking, eating, regretting, indulging, satisfying, giving in to our cravings for food. These are the legs in our relationship with food.

As someone who for most of her life has tried to lose weight or maintain weight loss to no avail, I have never tried to change these legs with this relationship. How many legs does my relationship have? It takes at least three legs to make a stool stand up. But my relationship to food has had at least seven legs at one time.

Food Relationship Legs

  • Craving
  • Rewarding
  • Thinking
  • Indulging
  • Satisfying
  • Dreaming
  • Stocking up
  • Buying
  • Eating

While at least four of these legs are still with me today. I need to eat. I need to buy food. I need, at times, to stock up. And in my case, I need to dream about recipes. But do I need the other ones? No. All my cravings for food are gone. I used to crave chocolate all the time. Now it hits me once in a while and I can talk myself out of it. I know that when a person craves chocolate, they are usually deficient in magnesium. So I take a couple magnesium tablets and the craving is gone.

Same with indulging. I just don’t do it anymore. The 50 Day Cleanse has given me the tools to listen to my body and give it what it needs instead of rewarding myself with a toxic, sugar laden treat. The first 5 days of this cleanse takes your mind off thinking about food all the time and helps you see where you need to change.

I used to spend hours weekly coming up with menus and grocery lists. While I still use a menu and grocery list, it no longer takes hours just about 10 minutes and I am ready to go. Eating raw alkaline meals and only once a day has dramatically cut our food bill down to almost nothing and we’re not eating only salads every day but they are yummy.

I’m also changing the legs on my other relationships as well during this time. Saving things to use someday is a leg I’ve used in rationalizing my skill of holding onto things I don’t need. Or how about this leg, “My kids might need/want it some day!” Ask the kids if they need or want whatever IT is. If they want IT and they’re old enough give it to them now or put it in a hope chest for them for when they move out. If they don’t want it, get rid of it. Family heirlooms are another leg. I’ve been going through my home with the eyes of my kids thinking about what they would keep and what they would toss after I’m gone. It’s eye opening. They probably don’t want the bottle collection with all the president’s faces you got from your mom. They’re not going to need or want 100 paper towel tubes or all the used gift wrap you’ve saved for the last ten years (which you never use anymore). Save the important things. Today is someday.  I am hoping that my children and grandchildren will want all the recipes I’ve conjured up over the years, like this one below.

Recipe of the Week

Taco Meat

Raw Sweet “Taco Meat” 

Always use organic

  • 1 sweet potato, shredded
  • 3 carrots, shredded
  • 1 mall red onion, shredded
  • 1 cup sunflower seeds, soaked four hours, drained well
  • 1 cup pumpkin seeds, soaked four hours, drained well
  • 1 Tablespoon cumin
  • 1 Tablespoon oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon coriander
  • 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/8 – 1/4 ground habanero pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon Himalayan salt

Place the first five ingredients in a food processor and process until it looks like the texture of loose cooked ground meat.

Empty into a large bowl and add spices.

Serve in a wrap with mashed avocado or on a salad with an avocado dressing.

Enjoy

Makes about 6 cups.

 

 

 

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5 Easy Tips to Spending Less this Weekend

The weekend is coming let’s do what we can to spend less and nurture our relationships more. Below are 5 easy tips that will help you spend less.

If eating out on the weekend is something you normally do, try making a special meal inside. Use your slow-cooker throw in some chicken breasts, open a jar of pesto sauce, pour it over the top, and cook it on LOW for 6 hours. It’s great over pasta, rice, or mashed cauliflower. Open a bottle of wine and you have a special meal.

If you normally go out to a movie with the family, try having a family-read together. Get a book that you have been dying to read. If you have a family, make sure the book is appropriate for the ages of your children. After dinner, gather up all the pillows, throw them on the floor with piles of blankets, and take turns reading the book.

Family reading together

If you spend your weekends shopping, go on a nature hike or walk around your town. Spending some time outside helps you appreciate the simple things in life. Let your children take photos with your phone to see life from at their level.

Steps

If you’re looking for free entertainment, check with your local library. The library always has a board of free entertainment and talks. I found one at my library for a chocolate seminar that gave away free chocolates and coupons for factory tours.

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If you’re spending your weekend at a bar, you’re probably dealing with an alcohol rental factor, renting beer if you know what I mean. Have you ever thought about a beer tasting at your place with all your friends? Have them bring at least one bottle of a beer they haven’t tasted yet, a micro-brew maybe. Then have some snacks and you have a party. You can do this with Coffee, Teas, Wines, gourmet sodas, or even some healthy flavored homemade waters.

If we make saving money difficult, we won’t do it for long. Saving money while still having the finer things in life just means that we need to think out of the box. Let’s get creative about how we spend our time because that is what it comes down to. Let’s spend our weekends nurturing our relationships.

Wishing you wellness for a new day!

MAKING PEACE

Before I left on vacation, I asked this question on my Facebook page, “How do you make peace with someone who doesn’t want peace?” The responses were pretty much the same, and one resounding spirit became evident. “You cannot make peace with someone who doesn’t want peace.”

Being a peacemaker means we are to bring peace that resides within us to every situations we find ourselves. If we don’t have peace inside us then we cannot be a peacemaker. A peacemaker sometimes gives other people what they want. If what they want is within our reach.  For instance, if people don’t want contact with us, we don’t contact them. If they want us out of their lives, we oblige and give them exactly what they want. We also have relationships with them based on what they can handle at the present moment. A peacemaker does not overstep their boundaries in relationships. By walking away quietly, we bring peace to their lives and to our own.

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Peacemakers are also conscience of the atmosphere around them, whether it’s in their families, their workplace, or their circle of friends. When you are filled with peace you find ways to help others, you don’t thrive on chaos of he said/she said, and you are looking to God to help you bring peace where ever you may go. In this hate filled world where people thrive on conflict, name calling, and chaos, the peacemaker usually stands alone.

Conflict is constant in this world and a peacemaker needs to understand that. It’s difficult to make peace with someone who is embroiled in the conflict and the acts of hurting. But keep your chin up and your eyes looking up because “Blessed are the peacemakers! For they shall be called the sons of God.”

MY FATHER: MY FIRST INSPIRATION

My father was and still is an inspiration in my life. I only had my father for 25 short years but he was my champion and my cheerleader. He was my life saver and my teacher. I have a photo of him up on my wall above my computer, so I can see his face every time I sit down to work. I look at him and I see all that he stood for. He taught me how to live by his example, he never lectured me or even yelled at me. He talked to me. We talked about anything I wanted to talk about. I was never afraid of asking him questions about life, about careers, about love, and about God. My father was my first inspiration.

My Father

My Father

He was my cheerleader: When I was 13 I was in a track meet where I fell, and knee hurt so much that I just wanted to stay on the ground but my dad was on the sidelines, telling me to get up and finish the race. He said it didn’t matter that I would come in last, it mattered that I finished what I started. So I got up and I limped, walked, and hopped to the finish line, where my dad was standing with his arms opened to hug me. It’s a moment I will never forget.

He was my champion: When I was 15 I was designing some clothes for myself; my mom was constantly telling me that it would never work out. My dad told my mom to knock it off. Then turned to me and said “No matter what you do, if you put your mind to it, it will turn out even better than you thought it could.” The sweater I designed and made turned out so good I started getting orders for, and a woman’s clothing boutique wanted to carry it in their store.

He was my lifesaver: It was in the middle of the night, I was a baby, my mother was rocking me to sleep. She fell asleep instead of me. I fell out of her arms and my father caught me. He said something (an angel) made him get up from a dead sleep. He just reached out his hands and caught me. If he didn’t catch me, who knows what life would be like for me. He saved my life.

He was my teacher: My friend’s fathers yelled at them almost incessantly, or they got lectured and grounded. My father never did any of those things. He never yelled at me. He talked to me.  When he was wrong about something having to do with me, he admitted it to me and apologized. His example about how to live showed me how to live. When I graduated high school, he told me something that has stuck with my entire life: “Stand in the gap, Laura, that’s where people need you the most but are too afraid to ask.”

I loved my father so much that when he died I felt like I lost a part of my heart. July 10th marks 25 years that I lived without him. There’s not a day that goes by that I haven’t thought about him. I am so thankful I married a man like my father, who’s loving heart has taught our own sons to follow their dreams and not let anything or anyone stand in their way. To say you’re sorry and admit when you’re wrong when you are. To forgive people and forget their wrongs against you. To say you love the people in your life, no matter who’s around.

My Husband

My Husband

It was difficult at first to go on without my father. It was extremely difficult when someone else in the family told me “Don’t cry, you have nothing to cry about!” at my father’s funeral. It was even more difficult to have that same person tell me “Now that your father gone it was his turn to now to lead me.” And no, it wasn’t my husband who said that. But in actuality it is my husband who took over when I married him to lead me and be my teacher, my champion, my cheerleader, and my lifesaver.

Both my father and my husband lead me toward God. My father made it easy for me to submit to God because he led a godly life and showed me the right example a loving father, husband, and man should be.  My husband is an extension of my own father. I married a man like my father, and I am so blessed because of it. My husband’s leads a godly life and shows me every day that God comes first in his life. I have no problem coming in second to God.

My father was my first inspiration.

 To all the father’s who inspire their children to greatness!

Happy Father’s Day!

HERE’S TO YOU DAD!

This is one of my favorite blog posts because, I wrote the poem in honor of my father, who taught me how to live, how to serve, and how to love.   This was to honor my father on Father’s Day (June 15, 2012). As I accomplish my goals, I’m reminded of my father’s words to me “You can do anything you put your mind! I’m so proud of you!” There’s never a moment when my father is not part of my thoughts, here’s to you Dad!

WHAT WILL YOU STAND FOR?

This week has me thinking not just about my father but about all the other men in my life who have left their lasting impression on me on how to live a good life. This poem is dedicated to all the men who have molded me into the person I am today. Thank you all for being a wonderful examples of living.

My Dad!

What Will You Stand For?

When your life is all said and done,

When people walk by in a file of one,

The day is streamed with cars in the morning sun,

The tears are shed, no this is not fun.

When you are dressed

In your “church-going” best

You have become the honored, silent guest

What will those people remember, in their minds, of you?

Did you fight for injustice and the lowly too?

Will your thought speak of beauty in the hidden place?

A smile that you made upon a child’s face?

Did you sit in the doorway of a wounded heart?

Or just sit and do that easy little part?

Will people see the big picture of what you did?

Or turn their heads over something you hid?

What will these people feel in their hearts, of you?

Did you help lives that were broken in two?

Did your hand comfort the wayward soul?

Did you stand in the gap of an empty hole?

Were your steps directed towards something grand?

Or did you simply draw lines in the sand?

When all is said and done,

Roses on the casket left one by one,

Time has closed the door

What will you stand for?

Laura M Jacoby

LEAVE IT IN THE PAST

Some people go through hell and back in their life and live to talk about it while others are consumed by the hurt, the pain, and the anger that is associated with their childhood or other life experiences. These people who have been able to leave it in the past are more resilient than those who carry their past with them. I’m not here to judge or fix any specific problem with people’s growth and maturity, only looking at my own life here and how my past shaped my present and my future.

Leave It In The Past

We all have a past. My past was dotted with my best friend when I was 6  dying of leukemia. I never understood that because no one took the time to explain it to me. Then the constant torment of my brother; he would hold my head under water, and just make me feel like I was worthless and think I was adopted (still don’t have a relationship with him.) My mom yelling at me instead of just talking to me like a normal person (not sure why she yelled.) Then the crazy things I did as a teenager that put myself in dangerous situations. One of them involved a gun pointed up against my temple when I walked into a store that was in the process of being robbed (You know the things you never told your parents.) Then at the age of 19 being abused by a family member who told me that if I told anyone he would just say I was lying and the family would believe him over me anyway. Being pregnant with twins (a boy and a girl) and miscarrying my daughter at 5 1/2 months (I felt like it was my fault). My father dying when I was 25, and while I was crying over it being told “Buck up, you have nothing to cry over”.

I’m sure there are some of you reading this who know what’s it like to be abused but you are too fearful to tell anyone. As I look back over what’s happened in my life, I should have said something, I should have gone to the police and let the blame fall where it was supposed to. But I let myself become the victim instead of becoming the strong woman of faith I could have been.

Many times this one incident has led me to be afraid of the things I shouldn’t have been afraid of in life. I dared not go places by myself, I’m sometimes still nervous in a roomful of people (I tend to walk the perimeter of the room, knowing where all the exits are.) I don’t feel comfortable meeting men for the first time without my husband. The list is endless.

I am also a firm believer that our nerves hold memories of what we go through in life, like a memory chip storing away data. When more life stress or horrendous news (Boston Marathon Bombings) gets piled on top of what we already have those nerve memories are stirred up and our body responds by giving us unexplained pain, nausea, fear, insomnia, digestive issues, racing heart, blood pressure issues, and everything in between.

Yes, I’ve made peace with my past. I forgave all the people in my life that have caused me extreme pain, but that doesn’t mean I want to have a relationship with them.  In order for me to have some semblance of sanity I needed to leave my past in the past, leave the toxic people in the past, and the anger about “Why did this happen to me?”in the past.

For me to grow, mature, and change I needed to come to grips with my past and say “Enough was enough.”

The past only holds you there as long as you let.

Leave it in the past, your present and your future will not only thank you but it will open up for the best possibilities life has to offer.

TIP 14: MY TAKE ON BULK BUYING

Sorry this is a day late, I received some devastating news yesterday and needed  the day to absorb it.

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When the first Sam’s Club opened up near our home back in the early 1990’s, they had such good deals. Five pounds of peanut butter goes a long way when you have four little boys and a hungry husband. I tailored my shopping every month to include one trip to the Club and little trips to our neighborhood grocery store. Granted, this was only because back then buying a month’s supply of oatmeal, peanut butter, jelly, bread, and frozen veggies did save us money. But my take on bulk buying has changed dramatically.

When we first moved to the Pacific Northwest 5 years ago, we were told that everyone has a membership to their nearest Costco. So after a month of settling in we got a membership. We used it mainly for their gas, which was always 10 cents cheaper than other stations. We also bought ground turkey, frozen chicken breasts, and all sorts of things we really shouldn’t have been eating. After the newness wore off, we stopped going there, and realized that we saved more money shopping around our home.

Now that we shop closer to home (Costco is 5.8 miles away) we are saving more money. We walk to the store now, and purchase only what two people can and will eat in a month. Plus the stores in our area offer a 10 cents saving on each gallon of gas when we earn 100 points. One local store has it’s own gas station and has gas at better prices than the Costco. Another benefit from shopping closer is we have relationships with different store employees, like the butcher and produce manager. We also have a great relationship with the owners of our gourmet grocery store, where if I think they should carry an item they will put it on their list to order so I can purchase it through them instead of the internet.

Shopping is about feeling comfortable with your purchases and the people doing the selling. My mom used to go to stores because of the relationships she had. She went to the butcher once a week to buy our meat for the week but to also catch up on the gossip about our town. The bulk stores have taken the relationships out of our purchases and turned the act of buying into a sterile part of many lives. These empty spots where relationships stood are now filled with two gallons of olive oil, or five pounds of candy.

Relationship shopping saves money and allows us to realize our part in that relationship,; it helps us connect and belong to our community.