Two things happen simultaneously when we experience internal conflicts. First we are thinking we want this and this and this in our lives, then the other half of ourselves joins in with little questions “What cost will all “this” have on our lives?” “What’s the trade off?” This is where the internal conflict becomes apparent and what we’re left with is a life where we’re driving with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake.
These internal conflicts we have with ourselves can manifest themselves into job issues, family issues, social issues and health issues. We’ve all seen people deliberate “Should I move? Shouldn’t I move?” “Should I take this job? Shouldn’t I take this job?” We all have internal conflicts from time to time, where do they come from? Is it our way of trying to justify what we’re doing? Internal conflicts vary from person to person and can take on a whole different look by what a person is going through.
As always I use myself as the test subject. My internal conflict goes something like this. While I love what I do, I’m always thinking that I’m not doing a good enough job, even though I do my best no matter what I’m doing. There is always something in the back of my mind that says I’m not doing enough. Then my boss will say something and make it sound like I really don’t know what I’m doing and I begin to doubt what I’ve done all along. Second guessing myself seems to be where I live when my boss does this to me. Another part of my internal conflict is that my health not where I’d would like it to be. In the nine months since I began working, I’ve gained 18 pounds. I have a constant eye twitch. I have a liver illness. I have constant pain in my upper right shoulder and across the back of my neck. And I’m stressed 85% of the time.
Yes, my job has afforded my husband and I to move into a beautiful home, with beautiful furniture, every electronic gadget you can think of, debt paid down and take great little getaways (can’t take a full vacations, blogpost for another time). And here is my conflict: I should be transforming myself into what God wants me to be not what my job requires me to be. No wonder my eye keeps twitching and I can’t seem to lose weight, nor have the energy to work out (only with the new health routine am I able to lose some weight).
So where does this internal conflict end? And how does it change my focus on what I want in my life? Where do I begin to change and let go of all that stress that is making me a ticking time bomb?
These are the questions I need to answer as only I can. Once I’m able to answer these questions I know the internal conflicts will fade away.
Each of us have the realization of answering similar questions, getting deep down inside and searching for answers where they exist. Don’t let your internal conflicts hold you back from what your life could be.
Wishing you wellness for a new day.