I remember when I started talking with a therapist; twelve years ago is when I truly began to change the way I think and the way I act. Because of the job I had, I was not able to talk to my family or friends about the atrocities I witnessed nor could I fully process the information I was given at the time. Talking to a therapist helped me get things in perspective. I also learned much about myself. I became aware that as I was changing I felt I was no longer able to fit into the mold that everyone placed me in.
Change is good, it’s what we’re supposed to be doing so we grow in knowledge, in grace, and in understanding. The problem with change is that the more you do it the more people around you resist your change. The people in your life don’t want you to change; they want you to stay in that neat little box so they can control you. But that’s not how life works. We all need to change, not just a specific “chosen” few. Just because we don’t fit into someone else’s neat little box and conform to their idea of how we should be the rest of our lives doesn’t mean we are not worthy of changing.
I’ve spent many years being the person my parents raised me to be, then I tried being the wife I thought my husband wanted me to be. In doing this I put my own wants, desires, and dreams on the back burner and never looked at them again. I acted the way people around me wanted me to act. I spoke in ways that people around me thought I should speak. But this year a profound change in my occurred. I found my voice. The little changes that were stirred up inside of me from that first encounter with a wonderful therapist, began changing me from the inside out. I am no longer that shy person to put in a box and hide in a closet. I’m no longer that person who ignores injustice, even when it’s in her own family.
I don’t fit into people’s little box anymore. As a matter of fact I’ve grown so far beyond any box that sometimes I just don’t fit in, period. But life’s not about fitting in, it’s about changing. Life’s about caring for others enough to encourage and accept change in them. Many people in my own family don’t like who I’ve become (they can’t control me anymore), so they just go on to judge me and say “That’s not the real, Laura!” Well they don’t know who the real Laura is, because they haven’t taken the time to sit down and talk to me. If you want to get to know the new real Laura, call me, talk to me, because this Laura is in a constant state of change.
Change is good. The more you change the less you fit in, and the less you fit in the more you change. Don’t let the stagnancy of this world hold you down. Just continue the journey of changing to be the best version of you you can be.
Life’s not about fitting in, life is about being who God wants you to be.